[ Talk Sex Message Board ]
Question
Posted by B. on June 27, 2008 at 06:53:49:
Hello. I'm currently 20, and my virginaty was taken by rape, at a VERY young age, 7 actually. Now, my guy friend that I'd like to have sex with is very suportive, but doesn't know about my past. I'd really like to have sex with him, I just do not know how to go about it considering I feel very, very awkward around him when we start foreplay.
how do I go about having sex with him and not feeling awkward and not being afraid? Should I tell him about my past experience?
Webmaster Reply:
I am sorry to hear of your traumatic assault. Such an event can leave life-long emotional scars and I do hope you received counselling at the time. With your new concerns, you may want to consider some follow-up couselling. This site provides free counselling that you could easily access:National Sexual Assault Helpline
1-800-656-4673
www.rainn.org
Also, this book may be helpful:
"I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors" by Aphrodite Matsakis; New Harbinger Publishing
As for telling your new guy, you will have to decide if you feel comfortable enough with him to do that. As much as we are accused of being 'male-bashers' around here, this is one subject that most guys are absolutely terrific with. They are very understanding and supportive, and even a bit ashamed that a member of their gender could do such a thing. You will have to judge for yourself if your guy is capable of this type of empathy.
Randy