Translating Women!

When she says, “Nothing’s wrong”, she really means:
"Nothing's wrong."
“There’s only going to be something wrong if you keep asking me ‘what’s wrong?’.”
“Something is definitely wrong and you’d better keep asking until I tell you.”

When you ask her out and she says, “I have a boyfriend”, she really means:
“I may have a boyfriend, but even if I don’t, you aren’t going to be the next one.”
“I’m seeing someone right now, but if I wasn’t I’d be into you.”
“I want you to think I have a boyfriend so that you will continue to pursue me.”

If her behaviour includes doing things like telling you that she thinks about you all the time, calling you just to let you know she misses you and planning things for the two of you to do weeks in advance, she is:
Clingy and insecure
Trying to control you
In love with you

When you are out on a date and she says, “Let’s go somewhere quiet”, she really means,
“I can’t wait to get you alone so that we can get it on.”
“Let’s go somewhere we can talk, so that I can get to know you better.”
"I don't want to be seen in public with you."

You and your partner are putting your house up for sale. One night you are lying in bed with you partner and for the twentieth time she starts going over all the pros and cons about moving. She’s doing this because:
This is a way for her to release the tension she feels about moving
She doesn't really want to move
She needs you to reassure her that you’ve made the right decision

When she says, “Does my butt look bigger?”, she really means,
“I need you to tell me I look beautiful.”
“I want you to think back to my butt from 10 years ago and honestly tell me if my butt looks bigger.”
"I want you to stare at my butt."

When you ask her out and she says, “I just want to be friends”, she really means:
“Let’s just have causal sex and not be in a relationship.”
“I never want to see you again, but I’m trying not to hurt your feelings.”
“I like you, but I don’t want to have sex with you.”

When she says, “I’m tired”, she really means:
“I need my space right now so please leave me alone.”
“I’m feeling fragile and I need to be pampered.”
“If I don’t go to bed soon, we’re going to get into a fight.”

Out of nowhere your partner starts yelling at you about how you always leave your clothes on the bedroom floor. She is likely trying to start an argument with you because:
She is cheating on you and she’s trying to make herself feel better by focusing on your faults
You have been really messy lately and she is fed up with it
She’s upset because you spent the day golfing instead of spending time with her

When she says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself”, she really means:
“I don’t need your help right now, so why don’t you go watch T.V. and I’ll do this on my own.”
“I expect you to help me and if you don’t I’m going to be mad for the rest of the night.”
“You’re frustrating me and I need you to leave.”

When she says, “Is that what you’re going to wear to the party?”, she really means:
“I’m curious about what you’re wearing tonight.”
“If that’s what you’re going to wear, I’m not going.”
“I’m impressed at your sense of style.”

When a woman asks you to talk dirty to her during sex, she most likely wants to hear you talk about:
What you are going to do to pleasure her
How good she’s making you feel
The details of one of your sexual fantasies and how you are going to act it out

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